ANNOUNCING: Reimagining with Ayandastood PODCAST!!!

WE DID IT!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!! AHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Hello sunshines! WE DID IT!!!! You heard it hear first: My podcast is finally live!!!! This is the beginning of OUR JOURNEY INTO LONGER FORM CONTENT and I am so excited to be on it with you. We are going to grow something MAGICAL together. Thank you for supporting me, thank you for being here!!!

It would mean the world to me if you listened and if you could leave a 5 star review so we can be more discoverable. Right now, if you start typing “reimagining” I don’t come up until quite late, because the podcast search engines work based on podcast rankings, which are based on the podcast rating, which is based on Reviews. That’s why if you type the first letter of the biggest podcasts, they come up instantly, because of the number of downloads, rankings, and reviews. I really want my content to find who it’s meant for AND I really want this podcast to do well. It feels like my lil baby and my path to being able to bring and share amazing voices and stories and ideas to/with you and the world. And if there’s anyone who you think would like it, please share it with a friend!

I also value your honest opinion, so please comment thoughts, feedback, ideas, anything, on this post!

I wanted to share some behind the scenes details with you. This has been such an emotional journey, in ways that have actually shocked me. I thought starting a podcast would be simple. It felt like the natural progression from TikTok. BUT there is so much work that goes into it that I was not expecting. There is a huge difference between short form and long form content. Who knew. I’m not kidding when I say: literally NOT I!!!!!!!!! I literally thought it would be kind of the same, but longer. I underestimated how much of this process would involve me writing, recording, and editing, and more importantly: secondguessing what I had to say. The self-doubt and self-deprecation has been the hardest part. I can’t even begin to tell you all how hard I have been on myself.

How toxic perfectionism took over. How I recorded the first full episode 5 times, each recording 1 hour 30 minutes, because it never felt good enough. It always felt like someone would be ready to catch me out, or say I didn’t include xyz voice or speak to abc experience. The sad thing is that I literally fear the judgment of people who are supposedly “on the same side” as me, but who want me to never be wrong or human. I hate what disposability culture has done to us. We are not disposable. I long for a world where that is truly seen as self-evident in all facets of life. I’m going to make mistakes. I already have. And I hate the feeling like there is just no room for that. It’s been soul-crushing. I’m so grateful to my friends and family for their support. My bestie Alex (support his Substack!!!) has literally been my cheerleader every step of the way. Reminding me I’m doing great. Telling me to be gentle with myself. Offering support and advice. THANK YOU ALEX!!!! And my other besties have also been so supportive, and I’m so grateful. Often it was me isolating myself and not reaching out for support.

An observation: When I re-recorded “The Ugliness of Beauty” these 5 times, I really don’t think it improved with each. It was more that I couldn’t let it rest. I couldn’t let it be. I think I just punished myself into a level of perfection that isn’t possible and is definitely, 100% rooted in white supremacy and also rooted in the disposability culture of “leftist” politics. Why are we so quick to discard of each other? How many voices simply don’t speak as a result, out of fear? It is so strange, to have a big platform and yet be so afraid to speak. And I am afraid. I quote Audre Lorde in the podcast on this point, as always, thank you Audre.

I was talking to my therapist yesterday and she said to me: You need to find the joy. I want to really enjoy this process, but I have to admit I’m not there yet. It’s a great goal to have. It still feels highly daunting to me and I worry about its reception. I’m a people pleaser and I struggle to accept that there will always be people who don’t align with me. My inner child feels so unsafe knowing that. And then it sets me into this whole existential question of like, if you are so scared of what people think, why are you publically posting your opinions? But I don’t want to live in a world like that. Part of me knows that the reason I am afraid is because, I say scary things. Words that hold power because their consequences are real. They imply a different world, a different orientation to the self and to others and to the earth.

I can’t let the people who might hate me stop me from sharing my message, when so many people go out of their way to let me know that my content and voice matter to them. I’m devoted to serving my audience: people like you, who support me. It’s only because of this support that I was able to put this out there. Finally.

That’s why I say: We did it.