Friends,
Today I am taking a break from TSJ because I’m feeling sad today. I’m experiencing the anxiety of visa and immigration issues, the overly familiar shame and self-blame of “why didn’t you do the hard thing sooner” which I am trying to meet with compassion, and also a general sadness/loneliness/anxiety. I thought about just not posting anything today and meeting you all tomorrow. But that ended up feeling like a missed opportunity to welcome The Unwelcome and use it as a point of connection.
So today I will ask YOU all, how are you today, really? With no pressure to view any feeling as more valid than another (shame, joy, peace, fear, anxiety, excitement, despair, grief, romance, togetherness, loneliness, craving, longing, envy, glee — we are not here to judge, but to listen). If there’s something you’ve been trying to do or not do, such as:
accept your feelings instead of judging them (me),
sit with difficult emotions instead of avoiding them (one of my besties)
ask for help even tho it makes you v uncomfortable (me)
Please USE US/this space to practice if you want! We are with you, or at least, we are trying to be! Rather than a top-down comment section, I’ve been LOVING seeing you respond to each other, and I’d love to keep that going here! If you have anything you think could support/affirm/validate/help the commenter, please do share! I will be responding as well, just not today, today I am going to do what I can to take and seek out care. Sending you love!
In loving community,
Ayanda
How am I really feeling?
I am feeling lonely. I feel a huge need to belong to someone, especially a friend. I am alone in a sea of people and it feels impossible to belong when everyone already has their own community. I am also feeling incompetent and incapable in a world where everyone has found a niche of their own, which creates feelings of imposter syndrome.
I’m feeling anxious about the start of summer and tons of activities and weddings etc. because I need so much rest and I constantly need to remind myself there’s nothing wrong with me for not being on at full speed 112% of the time