I am feeling lonely. I feel a huge need to belong to someone, especially a friend. I am alone in a sea of people and it feels impossible to belong when everyone already has their own community. I am also feeling incompetent and incapable in a world where everyone has found a niche of their own, which creates feelings of imposter syndrome.
Gentle reminder that “a world where everyone has found a niche of their own” is an illusion, smoke and mirrors of how we present ourselves in society and on social media. For every person posting their intricate cross stitch showcasing 10+ years of skill acquisition, there are oodles more figuring it out -- including and especially the person with the polished veneer of presentation.
I really needed to hear this, I’m in a big in-between phase of a total life path switch atm and it’s so hard to not feel like I should know more than I do based on all of the knowledgeable folks I see on social media, but I forget that they’ve had years and years of time to learn and I’ve only had a few months. It’s SO important to remember that there should be no shame in learning. The most experienced people in a field had to start somewhere, and even still they likely still have so much they have yet to learn! Life is a journey of gaining knowledge, and there is no place one “should” be on that path at any given time. There is only where we are, and where we will grow ❤️
Hi James!!! This really resonates with me. I so agree with you! There is so much beauty in allowing ourselves to BE in the phase that we are in, with the wisdom that there are aspect of being in that phase that we will some day long for. For me on TikTok for example, I used to just want to grow, and now I long for the anonymity and low stakes of not being known and not being "cancellable". So there is always the both-and, rather than this phase being WRONG and the next being RIGHT, worse and better, there is so much truth in really being where we are and owning it. "I don't know what I'm doing, and yet I'm doing it, isn't that a beautiful thing? I'm proud of myself. It takes bravery to not cling to the certainty and safety of a mastered skill, to embrace being a beginner in a society that only celebrates "Masters". And this feeling is something so many people don't let themselves experience -- out of fear, out of anxiety, and I send my love to them because I am them, but also I refuse to let perfectionism stop me from embarking on this journey I feel called to". Sending you all the love and affirmation! You got this !! Be where you are <3<3<3 And I will be too!
Thank you so much for these encouraging words. I think the problem is that I just want to see myself amongst the people that are great and if I feel like I'm not good ENOUGH so it becomes hard to learn. Which then has a bad impact on my self-worth,but your words showed me that I have been too hard on myself. All I need is to allow myself to learn and GROW.
I 100% understand, and you’re so right! In order to see yourself among the people you perceive as great, you have to spend the time honing your skills. It’s easy to look at other people and think that you should be at their level, but most of the work that went into them getting there is invisible! You’re at the perfect spot on your path for YOU, and that’s all that matters ❤️
one thing that helps me is to imagine one way in which I am already the version of myself I once longed to be, and look how I'm suffering and unhappy, so how can I release myself from the illusion that I need to be a certain way in order to be worthy, and how can I invite myself into worthiness NOW, how can I look at a tree and see myself in its wholeness, like the tree may grow but we don't see it as a tree-that-will-be-worthy-when-it's-grown, we acknowledge both the Being (what the tree IS) and the Becoming (what it may become, the shade it may create for others) but when we focus too much on the latter alone, there is suffering
Thank you. It is hard to believe that people are still working on themselves in a world where everyone seems perfect. But I think we are all trying to prove that we are all put together, which can not ever be true. A take from you is that we are all clay, that is being moulded into a master piece and it takes time as well as patience.
100% agree with this wisdom, Lyric! It's so painful that the void is transmuted: people who feel a void often post to over-compensate for it, and in turn trigger the void in others. Eg someone who feels like their worth = their productivity might post ALL about how productive they are, at the same time feeling they are never doing enough... and in so doing people feel that they are not doing enough and could be more productive... and agreed that there are far more people NOT posting, far more people feeling the pain of social comparison and of feeling never enough. I've been thinking so much about the concept of WHOLENESS, how do we begin to feel more whole in a society that everyday makes us feel like we will never be. And how the idea of wholeness is captured by the definition of integrity: "the state of being whole and undivided.". Wishing us all more wholeness. ❤️
Hello my darling Xolisile! <3 <3 I am sending you all the love today and always. I am so sorry to hear about your feelings of loneliness and I love the words you have put to this experience. Your feelings are so valid and honest and I'm proud of you for owning your experience and grateful to you for sharing it with us!
I have gone through long periods of loneliness and they are so deeply painful. "I feel a huge need to belong to someone, especially a friend" is such a beautiful, incredible statement and sentiment that I can only now see that I felt for a long time but did not have the words for.
I hate that society has created such isolation and loneliness and no time, resources, or collective spaces to really be in community with each other. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and I'm deeply hoping that your special friend is on their way right to you.
I wonder how this community could support you, eg through some sort of group or one-on-one Zoom call experience??? Let me know if you have any ideas. Sending my deepest love to you!!!!
I’m feeling anxious about the start of summer and tons of activities and weddings etc. because I need so much rest and I constantly need to remind myself there’s nothing wrong with me for not being on at full speed 112% of the time
❤❤❤ Echoing that reminder strongly back to you. It's hard in our hustle culture, truly. Just remember you never need to prove, demonstrate, or earn your worth. Your humanity is your worth. Wishing you rest❤
So true, LaLeigh!!!!!!! Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey will help us here!!! Would invite you to read or re-read it as you go into the summer, Lyric !! We can never be reminded enough I feel. I think I am going to do the same!
Take as much time you need- that all sounds so overwhelming and tiring. Remember to take time for yourself and just rest and don’t be mad at yourself for not being on top of everything all the time
Yessss Charmaine I so agree with you. We need rest, it is our birthright. Sometimes I think of if the roles were reversed: if it were MY birthday and someone was forcing themselves to come despite being depleted and tired and anxious, would I want them to push themselves to come, or would I rather want them to be well and to rest? Would invite you into this line of thinking!
Hello dear Lyric! Nothing wrong with you at all! Thank you so much for sharing. Needing rest is so valid and human and it's sad that we are taught this is a flaw rather than the point of existing! I am so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious, I can only imagine how the social pressure of a filled calendar induces social anxiety and fear that you will be depleted. I hope you will be able to show up for others while also giving yourself what you need to not feel like you are betraying your deeper needs! I find it so healing to embrace that we are LIMITED, in a society that wants to convince us we are limitless and frames that as an empowering notion when in reality this creates the sense that we could always be doing more and saying yes to everything, when actually we have limits and that's wonderful and natural and human and only an ableist society would believe otherwise <3
Ooph. This weekend was a struggle. Spent the weekend with a friend group I in many ways wish was a fit but I think just isn't. Left feeling unseen and honestly pretty discouraged. I'm at a strange in-between life moment where I'm really feeling grief for the community I left behind (in another state) and the absence of community I have not yet been able to find in this new location.
Also feeling thankful for my friend Brian who called asking if I wanted to start a band over zoom 🙂; this warms and breaks my heart at the same time- the sad sweetness of missing a friend 😌❤
I have been there so many times!! I hope you know that there will always be others out there looking for the same kind of community you’re looking for. Sometimes it feels impossible to find them, but I believe if we keep looking we will find those who are meant for us. And it’s so lovely that you’re able to stay in touch with your friends from another state, technology is so great in that way. Not seeing each other in person doesn’t make a friendship any less valuable ❤️
Yessss you're speaking to me!!! It's hard to trust that community is on its way but I have to believe IT IS and we will find the magical bonds we seek. We do have to give the universe a little help by staying open and being willing to be uncomfy at times (such as saying hi to someone or just not looking down at our phones out of fear or anxiety) in service of our vision!
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! It sounds like a lot of us in this community are going through transitions- helps so so much to know we're not alone ❤❤
Yes!! That would be amazing!! How cool would it be to do a zoom community check in kinda thing! I feel so blessed to have found this community and would love to "meet" everyone 😁😁😁
WOW YOU SPOKE TO ME!!!!!!!!!! You are speaking to me, precious LaLeigh !!! "Left feeling unseen and honestly pretty discouraged". Whew. I have been there so often. It's such an isolating feeling. To long for intimacy and know you are not in its presence is really painful.
I am so sorry to hear about your grieving of your previous community. I always think of the Winnie the Pooh quote "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard". Love and grief are so connected and intertwined. YAY BRIAN for showing up and the Zoom band is sooo creative and wonderful.
In the Workin Moms finale there is a quote I can't stop thinking about which is: "Trust yourself to know where the magic is". To know those are NOT your people because you know what safety and being seen and being received feels like and that was not it. And the magic WILL find you again. It always does. All my love <3 <3
😌😌😌 All of this! That Winnie the pooh quote! *Heart swell* 💗 And so much wisdom from Workin Mom's as well! Sometimes art is categorized as this is serious, this is not- but look at what deep emotional truths a cartoon and a comedy show can give us!
I so appreciate your words and the validation to trust my instincts. You are a beautiful gift miss Ayanda 💖💖💖
I am feeling anxious today. I thought about my passion project that I have been working on, refining and perfecting for the last 5 months of this year. I know the crux of the anxiety ,and I am taking strides to overcoming and welcoming the age of the cringe and the acceptance of being a beginner in my craft.
Oh boy, I'm on the precipice of an age of cringe myself and it is sooo uncomfortable. Proud of you for embracing it and excited for what will unfold for you!
NdohNdoh, LaLeigh, Lyric, I LOVE IT HERE!!! You are all amazing!!! So grateful for being in community with such loving and thoughtful and present and wise souls! To the age of cringe, together <3
Linking arms in the cringe I feel so much stronger already!! It is truly terrifying to show yourself as you really are, but also that is where all the juice and magic is!
Wow so much alignment in this conversation!!! James was reflecting a similar sentiment. I have so many thoughts on creative resistance and creative fear and allowing ourselves to show up even when we are terrified. I am sending you so much love because I know how much fear and anxiety this process brings. You are so not alone and should be so proud of the 5 months you have tended to your craft! The world can't wait to receive you. Please let us know if we can help!!!! We are moving towards the cringe !! Together <3 <3 <3 we are worthy. So proud of you for not letting the discomfort stop you, that is such difficult spiritual and creative work and you are doingggg it <3
Ayanda, sending you love ❤❤❤ Holding space for and honoring your feelings of sadness, loneliness, and anxiety. I'm certainly someone who tends to want to hide away in the hard times so I totally understand the urge to not post, interact etc. Glad you resisted that urge. This community is a container that is honored to hold all parts of you 🫂❤
Thank you so much dear LaLeigh!!! This is so beautiful and wonderful. Thank you for holding space and for being such a force of love and generosity constantly! WOWWWWWW "This community is a container that is honored to hold all parts of you 🫂❤" is going right to my Notes App. Thank you sooooo much for these beautiful words, they have touched me deeply and I can't wait to live in the reality your words invite me into, that I am not being judged I am being loved and received, and that we can all continue to expand together <3 Thank you!!!
💖💖💖 Yes! You are in that reality! You live there for me in my heart and in the heart of many others...even when it feels difficult to embody that for yourself, know you have already been recieved that way.
I think it was a tik tok of yours that you were talking about giving friends compliments that almost make you cry to say..I love, love, LOVE, this!! It can feel so vulnerable, and even cringey, to tell someone what they mean to you. I so appreciate you encouraging us to claim that freedom and pour into eachother in deep and vulnerable ways, bc how much we expand when we do so!
So, in the spirit of that-I want you to know that you as a soul, as the beautiful soul that has allowed herself to be seen in all her complexity and glory, will literally be carried as a light in my consciousness for the rest of my life. Not hyperbole, just the magic of connection; it is that powerful!!
Wherever the day finds you, I am squeezing you tight and pouring love into you! 🤗💗
Today I am feeling kind of off, tho I’m not really sure why. I’m trying to recenter and ground myself, so i am on my way to a state park with my partner. I’m hoping time in nature will help me at least understand why I am feeling off balance, even if it doesn’t fix it. I’m just trying to meet myself wherever I’m at right now, much like I do for my loved ones. I’m not so good at extending the same grace to myself yet, but I’m committed to changing that.
Spending time outside and being present with nature can be so healing. Especially when you’re just sitting there and existing outside, I think that the “nothing happening” is really something special.
I completely relate, I’ve found it to be the only reliable way of being comfortable with existing regardless of what is happening inside my brain. Someday I will be living somewhere where that is consistently accessible to me again. I grew up out in nature but never appreciated it until I moved away to a city. The city makes everything in my brain 10x worse lol.
That last sentence is everything, something so many of us struggle with! So glad you've made that commitment to yourself and hope your time in nature provided some peace ❤
It’s definitely comforting to know I’m not alone in that experience. The time outside definitely helped me be able to sit with my experience without shame or guilt, which is exactly what I was looking for. I also found a solution to my current problem, which I didn’t expect to happen so that was a nice added bonus.
☀️☀️☀️ So glad nature gave you some peace and space in your mind 😌 And how awesome that you were also able to imagine a possible solution! Sitting with your experience without shame or guilt is so hard but so healing❤
Spending time outside and being present with nature can be so healing. Especially when you’re just sitting there and existing outside, I think that the “nothing happening” is really something special.
my parents are close to separating and i am grieving the loss of a family member. i am feeling burnt out and lonely, and i really appreciate this space right now❤️
I'm feeling anxious and scared. My visa is too, expiring and my finances are a mess. I can't even pay rent and that's the first time this is happened whilst living overseas in 8 years. I don't even the desire to figure anything out and that sucks too- so I'm procrastinating until I absolutely need to figure it out. I'm not even sure why.
Sounds like you are deep in some very major life stress. I'm a major procrastinator when it comes to overwhelming things, I think we all are to some extent so I'm sure many many relate. I'm also familiar with that money/rent stress- it's like that other shoe drop feeling that makes your whole body tense. In my experience it feels like there is also a lot of stress added bc of the naritives around struggling with rent or procrastination...just know babe it only means your human and that is beautiful thing. Sending you encouragement as you navigate all this 🫂❤
Yesterday when I read this post, I was rushing to get to a babysitting job and regretting drinking too much the night before. Now the next day, everything worked out and I’m able to relax with myself. ❤️
The main thing I’m feeling is lonely. I don’t have any friends and I spend a lot of time alone. Sometimes I don’t mind it as much but I’ve also been estranged from my twin sister for the past couple of months, so that makes it harder. We’ve had a lot of conflict the past couple of years and our relationship has suffered greatly. While both of us have contributed to our conflict, she’s of the mindset that I’m the one and only problem and that I need to fix myself in order for us to get along. I’m used to this. The last couple of fights we’ve had have sent me spiraling into intense episodes of suicidal ideation, which I’m already vulnerable to because I have depression and several chronic illnesses and trying to survive on my own in this brutal capitalist system as a queer black woman. I’m at my wits end. Her perspective on things and about me are so limiting and lacking in empathy that I don’t know what else to do. I feel defeated. And for now, I feel it better for me to stop trying to repair our relationship. Because frankly I’m tired of being the only one that’s open and actually trying, instead of just pointing fingers.
Strangely, I’m also feeling a bit of relief. Although my life is very stressful and full of challenges, I’ve been prioritizing myself in ways that for so much of my life I haven’t and I have hope. I’m showing myself compassion. I’m letting myself rest. I’m eating more and not in a cycle of binging and restricting. My health is improving. I’m protecting myself in ways that feel safe and not self-destructive. I made some whipped body butter today.
i'm feeling myself getting past the cringe of "is it parasocial to even state this feeling", i'm feeling this excitement and anticipation reading through/listening to all the resonant words across ayandastood's writing and speaking but simultaneously sitting in this shame and disappointment (even as silly as it seems when i type it out) that i'm not acting instantaneously on this invigoration and i'm still laying in bed on not having eaten more than bread and cigarettes today, i'm feeling and realizing what i thought was just a lack of energy to nourish myself through my rest may have actually more likely been a dynamic of punishing myself for not 'getting things done' and denying my body's nourishment needs because i was seeing those needs as only worth nourishing if i then use that nourishment to tick some tasks off the list or at least do some "work on myself", not even recognizing that the hunger has been clouding my mind to the point where i'm still trying to work out if it was conscious or sub-conscious denial of my right to be or really just as simple as being just scattered and out of attunement with my body's needs, so right now, i'm shifting towards trying to embody that i don't actually need to go through all the tabs of more pieces written on this substack and linked essays from them and copy the links into my note taking system / save the bookmarks in folders that i'll actually return to so i can close the browser with all the tabs cleared, that what this moment is calling me to do is to just put the laptop on my desk, stop looking at this screen and go eat something and possibly cry after
Immigration visa/paperwork is killing me. I’ve been trying to fight the system of the country I moved to (from Latin America) and recently I had to start anti-anxiety medication to survive. I live with fear of permanently becoming undocumented if this goes wrong.
Aweeee sending you love and gentle energies, may the visa and immigration situation be solved 🥹😭. Thank you for taking the time to ask, I am doing well, I miss Hong Kong, I was there for 10months to study and now I’m back in the UK ( also got held at the airport but phew 😮💨 it got sorted) , I miss the people mostly but also feel very grateful to be back safely. Reading this two days later, but still hope you are okay and be gentle with yourself sunshine you’re the bestest!! 💗💗💗☁️☁️🫐🫐
How am I really feeling?
I am feeling lonely. I feel a huge need to belong to someone, especially a friend. I am alone in a sea of people and it feels impossible to belong when everyone already has their own community. I am also feeling incompetent and incapable in a world where everyone has found a niche of their own, which creates feelings of imposter syndrome.
Gentle reminder that “a world where everyone has found a niche of their own” is an illusion, smoke and mirrors of how we present ourselves in society and on social media. For every person posting their intricate cross stitch showcasing 10+ years of skill acquisition, there are oodles more figuring it out -- including and especially the person with the polished veneer of presentation.
I really needed to hear this, I’m in a big in-between phase of a total life path switch atm and it’s so hard to not feel like I should know more than I do based on all of the knowledgeable folks I see on social media, but I forget that they’ve had years and years of time to learn and I’ve only had a few months. It’s SO important to remember that there should be no shame in learning. The most experienced people in a field had to start somewhere, and even still they likely still have so much they have yet to learn! Life is a journey of gaining knowledge, and there is no place one “should” be on that path at any given time. There is only where we are, and where we will grow ❤️
Hi James!!! This really resonates with me. I so agree with you! There is so much beauty in allowing ourselves to BE in the phase that we are in, with the wisdom that there are aspect of being in that phase that we will some day long for. For me on TikTok for example, I used to just want to grow, and now I long for the anonymity and low stakes of not being known and not being "cancellable". So there is always the both-and, rather than this phase being WRONG and the next being RIGHT, worse and better, there is so much truth in really being where we are and owning it. "I don't know what I'm doing, and yet I'm doing it, isn't that a beautiful thing? I'm proud of myself. It takes bravery to not cling to the certainty and safety of a mastered skill, to embrace being a beginner in a society that only celebrates "Masters". And this feeling is something so many people don't let themselves experience -- out of fear, out of anxiety, and I send my love to them because I am them, but also I refuse to let perfectionism stop me from embarking on this journey I feel called to". Sending you all the love and affirmation! You got this !! Be where you are <3<3<3 And I will be too!
Thank you so much for these encouraging words. I think the problem is that I just want to see myself amongst the people that are great and if I feel like I'm not good ENOUGH so it becomes hard to learn. Which then has a bad impact on my self-worth,but your words showed me that I have been too hard on myself. All I need is to allow myself to learn and GROW.
I 100% understand, and you’re so right! In order to see yourself among the people you perceive as great, you have to spend the time honing your skills. It’s easy to look at other people and think that you should be at their level, but most of the work that went into them getting there is invisible! You’re at the perfect spot on your path for YOU, and that’s all that matters ❤️
one thing that helps me is to imagine one way in which I am already the version of myself I once longed to be, and look how I'm suffering and unhappy, so how can I release myself from the illusion that I need to be a certain way in order to be worthy, and how can I invite myself into worthiness NOW, how can I look at a tree and see myself in its wholeness, like the tree may grow but we don't see it as a tree-that-will-be-worthy-when-it's-grown, we acknowledge both the Being (what the tree IS) and the Becoming (what it may become, the shade it may create for others) but when we focus too much on the latter alone, there is suffering
Thank you. It is hard to believe that people are still working on themselves in a world where everyone seems perfect. But I think we are all trying to prove that we are all put together, which can not ever be true. A take from you is that we are all clay, that is being moulded into a master piece and it takes time as well as patience.
100% agree with this wisdom, Lyric! It's so painful that the void is transmuted: people who feel a void often post to over-compensate for it, and in turn trigger the void in others. Eg someone who feels like their worth = their productivity might post ALL about how productive they are, at the same time feeling they are never doing enough... and in so doing people feel that they are not doing enough and could be more productive... and agreed that there are far more people NOT posting, far more people feeling the pain of social comparison and of feeling never enough. I've been thinking so much about the concept of WHOLENESS, how do we begin to feel more whole in a society that everyday makes us feel like we will never be. And how the idea of wholeness is captured by the definition of integrity: "the state of being whole and undivided.". Wishing us all more wholeness. ❤️
With you ❤
Hello my darling Xolisile! <3 <3 I am sending you all the love today and always. I am so sorry to hear about your feelings of loneliness and I love the words you have put to this experience. Your feelings are so valid and honest and I'm proud of you for owning your experience and grateful to you for sharing it with us!
I have gone through long periods of loneliness and they are so deeply painful. "I feel a huge need to belong to someone, especially a friend" is such a beautiful, incredible statement and sentiment that I can only now see that I felt for a long time but did not have the words for.
I hate that society has created such isolation and loneliness and no time, resources, or collective spaces to really be in community with each other. Thank you for sharing your experience with us and I'm deeply hoping that your special friend is on their way right to you.
I wonder how this community could support you, eg through some sort of group or one-on-one Zoom call experience??? Let me know if you have any ideas. Sending my deepest love to you!!!!
I’m feeling anxious about the start of summer and tons of activities and weddings etc. because I need so much rest and I constantly need to remind myself there’s nothing wrong with me for not being on at full speed 112% of the time
❤❤❤ Echoing that reminder strongly back to you. It's hard in our hustle culture, truly. Just remember you never need to prove, demonstrate, or earn your worth. Your humanity is your worth. Wishing you rest❤
So true, LaLeigh!!!!!!! Rest is Resistance by Tricia Hersey will help us here!!! Would invite you to read or re-read it as you go into the summer, Lyric !! We can never be reminded enough I feel. I think I am going to do the same!
Yes!! I have read exerts but need to read the whole book- ok you motivate me, I'm gonna read it through!
Take as much time you need- that all sounds so overwhelming and tiring. Remember to take time for yourself and just rest and don’t be mad at yourself for not being on top of everything all the time
Yessss Charmaine I so agree with you. We need rest, it is our birthright. Sometimes I think of if the roles were reversed: if it were MY birthday and someone was forcing themselves to come despite being depleted and tired and anxious, would I want them to push themselves to come, or would I rather want them to be well and to rest? Would invite you into this line of thinking!
Hello dear Lyric! Nothing wrong with you at all! Thank you so much for sharing. Needing rest is so valid and human and it's sad that we are taught this is a flaw rather than the point of existing! I am so sorry that you are feeling overwhelmed and anxious, I can only imagine how the social pressure of a filled calendar induces social anxiety and fear that you will be depleted. I hope you will be able to show up for others while also giving yourself what you need to not feel like you are betraying your deeper needs! I find it so healing to embrace that we are LIMITED, in a society that wants to convince us we are limitless and frames that as an empowering notion when in reality this creates the sense that we could always be doing more and saying yes to everything, when actually we have limits and that's wonderful and natural and human and only an ableist society would believe otherwise <3
Ooph. This weekend was a struggle. Spent the weekend with a friend group I in many ways wish was a fit but I think just isn't. Left feeling unseen and honestly pretty discouraged. I'm at a strange in-between life moment where I'm really feeling grief for the community I left behind (in another state) and the absence of community I have not yet been able to find in this new location.
Also feeling thankful for my friend Brian who called asking if I wanted to start a band over zoom 🙂; this warms and breaks my heart at the same time- the sad sweetness of missing a friend 😌❤
I have been there so many times!! I hope you know that there will always be others out there looking for the same kind of community you’re looking for. Sometimes it feels impossible to find them, but I believe if we keep looking we will find those who are meant for us. And it’s so lovely that you’re able to stay in touch with your friends from another state, technology is so great in that way. Not seeing each other in person doesn’t make a friendship any less valuable ❤️
Yessss you're speaking to me!!! It's hard to trust that community is on its way but I have to believe IT IS and we will find the magical bonds we seek. We do have to give the universe a little help by staying open and being willing to be uncomfy at times (such as saying hi to someone or just not looking down at our phones out of fear or anxiety) in service of our vision!
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! It sounds like a lot of us in this community are going through transitions- helps so so much to know we're not alone ❤❤
I agree!!! There is so much alignment maybe we need a Zoom call or something?!!!!
Yes!! That would be amazing!! How cool would it be to do a zoom community check in kinda thing! I feel so blessed to have found this community and would love to "meet" everyone 😁😁😁
Absolutely ❤️❤️
WOW YOU SPOKE TO ME!!!!!!!!!! You are speaking to me, precious LaLeigh !!! "Left feeling unseen and honestly pretty discouraged". Whew. I have been there so often. It's such an isolating feeling. To long for intimacy and know you are not in its presence is really painful.
I am so sorry to hear about your grieving of your previous community. I always think of the Winnie the Pooh quote "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard". Love and grief are so connected and intertwined. YAY BRIAN for showing up and the Zoom band is sooo creative and wonderful.
In the Workin Moms finale there is a quote I can't stop thinking about which is: "Trust yourself to know where the magic is". To know those are NOT your people because you know what safety and being seen and being received feels like and that was not it. And the magic WILL find you again. It always does. All my love <3 <3
😌😌😌 All of this! That Winnie the pooh quote! *Heart swell* 💗 And so much wisdom from Workin Mom's as well! Sometimes art is categorized as this is serious, this is not- but look at what deep emotional truths a cartoon and a comedy show can give us!
I so appreciate your words and the validation to trust my instincts. You are a beautiful gift miss Ayanda 💖💖💖
How am I feeling?
I am feeling anxious today. I thought about my passion project that I have been working on, refining and perfecting for the last 5 months of this year. I know the crux of the anxiety ,and I am taking strides to overcoming and welcoming the age of the cringe and the acceptance of being a beginner in my craft.
Oh boy, I'm on the precipice of an age of cringe myself and it is sooo uncomfortable. Proud of you for embracing it and excited for what will unfold for you!
THE AGE OF CRINGE!!!!! I love that so much!!!! WOW yes I agree completely. Incredible !!!
To the age of the cringe! 🥂
Thank you LaLeigh carrying these words of light with me throughout the process.
I’m just here to join team cringe ❤️
Yess!! Get in here!! 😁❤
Wooo!! Yes!! *Clink *Clink to the cringe! 🥂❤
NdohNdoh, LaLeigh, Lyric, I LOVE IT HERE!!! You are all amazing!!! So grateful for being in community with such loving and thoughtful and present and wise souls! To the age of cringe, together <3
Linking arms in the cringe I feel so much stronger already!! It is truly terrifying to show yourself as you really are, but also that is where all the juice and magic is!
To the age of cringe, indeed!!!!
Wow so much alignment in this conversation!!! James was reflecting a similar sentiment. I have so many thoughts on creative resistance and creative fear and allowing ourselves to show up even when we are terrified. I am sending you so much love because I know how much fear and anxiety this process brings. You are so not alone and should be so proud of the 5 months you have tended to your craft! The world can't wait to receive you. Please let us know if we can help!!!! We are moving towards the cringe !! Together <3 <3 <3 we are worthy. So proud of you for not letting the discomfort stop you, that is such difficult spiritual and creative work and you are doingggg it <3
Ayanda, sending you love ❤❤❤ Holding space for and honoring your feelings of sadness, loneliness, and anxiety. I'm certainly someone who tends to want to hide away in the hard times so I totally understand the urge to not post, interact etc. Glad you resisted that urge. This community is a container that is honored to hold all parts of you 🫂❤
Thank you so much dear LaLeigh!!! This is so beautiful and wonderful. Thank you for holding space and for being such a force of love and generosity constantly! WOWWWWWW "This community is a container that is honored to hold all parts of you 🫂❤" is going right to my Notes App. Thank you sooooo much for these beautiful words, they have touched me deeply and I can't wait to live in the reality your words invite me into, that I am not being judged I am being loved and received, and that we can all continue to expand together <3 Thank you!!!
💖💖💖 Yes! You are in that reality! You live there for me in my heart and in the heart of many others...even when it feels difficult to embody that for yourself, know you have already been recieved that way.
I think it was a tik tok of yours that you were talking about giving friends compliments that almost make you cry to say..I love, love, LOVE, this!! It can feel so vulnerable, and even cringey, to tell someone what they mean to you. I so appreciate you encouraging us to claim that freedom and pour into eachother in deep and vulnerable ways, bc how much we expand when we do so!
So, in the spirit of that-I want you to know that you as a soul, as the beautiful soul that has allowed herself to be seen in all her complexity and glory, will literally be carried as a light in my consciousness for the rest of my life. Not hyperbole, just the magic of connection; it is that powerful!!
Wherever the day finds you, I am squeezing you tight and pouring love into you! 🤗💗
🫂❤🫂❤🫂 sitting with you and reaching my virtual hand out for you to hold ❤❤❤
Today I am feeling kind of off, tho I’m not really sure why. I’m trying to recenter and ground myself, so i am on my way to a state park with my partner. I’m hoping time in nature will help me at least understand why I am feeling off balance, even if it doesn’t fix it. I’m just trying to meet myself wherever I’m at right now, much like I do for my loved ones. I’m not so good at extending the same grace to myself yet, but I’m committed to changing that.
Spending time outside and being present with nature can be so healing. Especially when you’re just sitting there and existing outside, I think that the “nothing happening” is really something special.
I completely relate, I’ve found it to be the only reliable way of being comfortable with existing regardless of what is happening inside my brain. Someday I will be living somewhere where that is consistently accessible to me again. I grew up out in nature but never appreciated it until I moved away to a city. The city makes everything in my brain 10x worse lol.
That last sentence is everything, something so many of us struggle with! So glad you've made that commitment to yourself and hope your time in nature provided some peace ❤
It’s definitely comforting to know I’m not alone in that experience. The time outside definitely helped me be able to sit with my experience without shame or guilt, which is exactly what I was looking for. I also found a solution to my current problem, which I didn’t expect to happen so that was a nice added bonus.
☀️☀️☀️ So glad nature gave you some peace and space in your mind 😌 And how awesome that you were also able to imagine a possible solution! Sitting with your experience without shame or guilt is so hard but so healing❤
Spending time outside and being present with nature can be so healing. Especially when you’re just sitting there and existing outside, I think that the “nothing happening” is really something special.
my parents are close to separating and i am grieving the loss of a family member. i am feeling burnt out and lonely, and i really appreciate this space right now❤️
We are here with you and for you ❤
sending you virtual hug 🫂
I'm feeling anxious and scared. My visa is too, expiring and my finances are a mess. I can't even pay rent and that's the first time this is happened whilst living overseas in 8 years. I don't even the desire to figure anything out and that sucks too- so I'm procrastinating until I absolutely need to figure it out. I'm not even sure why.
Sounds like you are deep in some very major life stress. I'm a major procrastinator when it comes to overwhelming things, I think we all are to some extent so I'm sure many many relate. I'm also familiar with that money/rent stress- it's like that other shoe drop feeling that makes your whole body tense. In my experience it feels like there is also a lot of stress added bc of the naritives around struggling with rent or procrastination...just know babe it only means your human and that is beautiful thing. Sending you encouragement as you navigate all this 🫂❤
Yesterday when I read this post, I was rushing to get to a babysitting job and regretting drinking too much the night before. Now the next day, everything worked out and I’m able to relax with myself. ❤️
"Able to relax with myself" Boom! 💥😌
The main thing I’m feeling is lonely. I don’t have any friends and I spend a lot of time alone. Sometimes I don’t mind it as much but I’ve also been estranged from my twin sister for the past couple of months, so that makes it harder. We’ve had a lot of conflict the past couple of years and our relationship has suffered greatly. While both of us have contributed to our conflict, she’s of the mindset that I’m the one and only problem and that I need to fix myself in order for us to get along. I’m used to this. The last couple of fights we’ve had have sent me spiraling into intense episodes of suicidal ideation, which I’m already vulnerable to because I have depression and several chronic illnesses and trying to survive on my own in this brutal capitalist system as a queer black woman. I’m at my wits end. Her perspective on things and about me are so limiting and lacking in empathy that I don’t know what else to do. I feel defeated. And for now, I feel it better for me to stop trying to repair our relationship. Because frankly I’m tired of being the only one that’s open and actually trying, instead of just pointing fingers.
Strangely, I’m also feeling a bit of relief. Although my life is very stressful and full of challenges, I’ve been prioritizing myself in ways that for so much of my life I haven’t and I have hope. I’m showing myself compassion. I’m letting myself rest. I’m eating more and not in a cycle of binging and restricting. My health is improving. I’m protecting myself in ways that feel safe and not self-destructive. I made some whipped body butter today.
i'm feeling myself getting past the cringe of "is it parasocial to even state this feeling", i'm feeling this excitement and anticipation reading through/listening to all the resonant words across ayandastood's writing and speaking but simultaneously sitting in this shame and disappointment (even as silly as it seems when i type it out) that i'm not acting instantaneously on this invigoration and i'm still laying in bed on not having eaten more than bread and cigarettes today, i'm feeling and realizing what i thought was just a lack of energy to nourish myself through my rest may have actually more likely been a dynamic of punishing myself for not 'getting things done' and denying my body's nourishment needs because i was seeing those needs as only worth nourishing if i then use that nourishment to tick some tasks off the list or at least do some "work on myself", not even recognizing that the hunger has been clouding my mind to the point where i'm still trying to work out if it was conscious or sub-conscious denial of my right to be or really just as simple as being just scattered and out of attunement with my body's needs, so right now, i'm shifting towards trying to embody that i don't actually need to go through all the tabs of more pieces written on this substack and linked essays from them and copy the links into my note taking system / save the bookmarks in folders that i'll actually return to so i can close the browser with all the tabs cleared, that what this moment is calling me to do is to just put the laptop on my desk, stop looking at this screen and go eat something and possibly cry after
Immigration visa/paperwork is killing me. I’ve been trying to fight the system of the country I moved to (from Latin America) and recently I had to start anti-anxiety medication to survive. I live with fear of permanently becoming undocumented if this goes wrong.
Aweeee sending you love and gentle energies, may the visa and immigration situation be solved 🥹😭. Thank you for taking the time to ask, I am doing well, I miss Hong Kong, I was there for 10months to study and now I’m back in the UK ( also got held at the airport but phew 😮💨 it got sorted) , I miss the people mostly but also feel very grateful to be back safely. Reading this two days later, but still hope you are okay and be gentle with yourself sunshine you’re the bestest!! 💗💗💗☁️☁️🫐🫐